Christmas came soon after Mom’s death. I tried to be upbeat for Hope. I really did. She didn’t buy it. I made cookies, got out the decorations…we set the tree on fire with the lights. Everything was chaos and horrible and Mom floated around watching us fail. Life sucks.
Santa wasn’t impressed with our efforts either, but I think he took pity on us. He gave me a super expensive refridgerator (why?) and Hope a tea brewer thingie. We said thank you and turned around and sold them to cover the bills. almost 6,000 simoles to cover them. Insane!
Still, I refused to let this be a complete trash of a holiday. So I went out and got another tree, and we pretended to be happy. Hope pretended that she didn’t need a shower. I pretended I didn’t want to set it all on fire and walk away from this house. Life goes on.
The new tree completed. I think Red peed on it when I wasn’t looking. Whatever, Winterfest is done and over. Merry friggin’ Winterfest. Hope threw herself into Drama Club and making videos. It’s a way to make money she said. Plum. How am I going to contribute!? Help Red!
The New Year’s Party went off without a hitch, and this drink was yummy! I didn’t tell Hope, instead I went and got this cool rock-climbing wall. It’s pretty fun, but it broke after the first rain. In retrospect, we don’t have enough room for it…so it was stupid. Ah well.
I busted my hump and became Llamacorn Scout! I thought I would feel better, maybe make Mom proud of me…but I don’t feel better. I see Hope moving on, she is doing so well. I keep going back to painting…it’s a quiet, small thing that makes me…FEEL something.
I planted a garden, did a bunch of working out, got a nice set of abs and biceps, made what I hope are good lasting relationships with some high school buds, and kept myself busy. If I don’t stay busy, I start thinking…and feeling. I get angry, upset…aloof is better.
The Babbling Brook 